my beloved grandma

you left us on this day, 14 years ago.

i still miss you to this very day.

i still feel sad when i think of you.

i never have a chance to say proper goodbye to you.

you teach me so much: the house keeping, the kaya making, the cooking... and i never have a chance to thank you.

i still remember i sleep at your side, waking up at night to make some warm milk for you, listening to your story about the second world war in Malaysia, listening to how you talk about our well known grandpa.

i miss you so much that i wanted to let you know what i have been through, what i have become. i really wish i can share my every moment with you.

grandma, even though you are not here anymore, still, i dream about you sometimes, think about you.. because you are one of the important, influential person to me.

i will keep you in my heart always and will never forget...

i miss you....

happy birthday

hi dear..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you! may your dreams come true! i am proud of you and feel blessed have you in my life.

thanks for teaching me, comforting me, and taking care of me when i am so not worthy of it. thank you.

i do hope, i will have such chance to take care, to love you for the rest of my life.

may God bless you richly...

the DARK AGES

used to read about how the world or certain empire in the world went through the dark ages or the dark period in the history.

i think as human, we too go through the dark ages of our life sometimes. maybe once, maybe twice, maybe more than two... however, what should we do doing such period of life? angry? despair? hate? blame? self pity?

as for me, i used to do all of that. but now, the dark age has come in my life again. what is my reaction? i hide. in a CAVE.

of course, i feel lonely, i feel isolated in my cold cave. but this is part of my healing process. to adjust, to renew and to wait. i feel grateful, because i still have my God with me, always. even though in my cave. :P

so, please give me some time, because i am going through my dark period and waiting for the cloud to pass, before i see the sunshine again.

well, the dark age is not bad at all, because every time i been through it, i became more mature, more loving and more sensitive to people around me. possibly, this might be the greatest present i ever received before i move into my thirtiest.

can't help it but...

strangely.. you said that we can actually see a person as another thing as they sometimes resemble a certain object, plants or animal..

to me, you look like this cat. timid, cute, fluffy on the outside. but if somebody wanted to harm you, unknowingly, you actually turned into a fierce lion. i guess you does have a very strong defend system. which i totally admire and love about.

when looking at you like this flurry cat, i wanted to care and love you more,
when looking at you like a lion, make me respect and more careful about what i say or do, so that i won't hurt you in the process. (or else i might be torn apart by your teeth!! :P )

just be whatever you are right now. no changes, nothing to improve, because to me, you are purrrfect! :-D

Finally .. the day has come...

17th November 2005. my life is put on hold for so long. this is it. after all the hard work, the tears, the happiness and privilage of working in SynnexUK, i have to go through this day.

whether pass or fail, i'm letting my creator to do what is His will is. even if that's mean i'm gonna waste my life, go through pain and shame.

life is not perfect for me, strangely.. always getting results that i don't like, breakups, failures, breakdown but still, i am trusting my Lord for what had happen in my life. or yet to come. because i know He did it with love, with mercy.

so if anyone out there who read this message of mine. please pray for my viva.

Happiness

Happiness is something you feel inside, the sweetness that twanging all over, even without those great things that might happened in your life. Sometimes.. A normal ordinary day might let you feel .. The happiness within you.

bad things can sometimes be good.. because through bad things we learn how to rely on God more, communicate more and it's all about special time that we learn to forgive and help each other out.

when thing goes wrong, the one we blame is mostly the one we loved most. indirectly, we becoming a hedhog that hurt those who is nearest to us.

I've been busying.. doing what unknown person would do. I cook more, doing house chores more, helping out more.. rather than being a leader, or an ambicious consultant.

thank you Jesus, for giving this valuable opportunity to serve at home, to take care of someone I love dearly.

it's been a week...

well well..

it's been a week since i pass up the BIG thingy.

one word - TIRED!

life been wonderful but yet exciting since then... cos even until now .. i am still busy doing something else... haven't really have time to get bored yet...

hehee...

still, life goes on.. with or without success... i presume. but i'll hold tight to Jesus this time.

thank you all for praying for me and giving me supports during all these time...

wise vs. fool check list

this is all taken from the book of proverb

Wise
1. use knowledge when speak (15:2), to spread knowledge (15:7)
2. ...accept corrections (15:5), listen to advice (19:20)
3. does what is right (15:21)
4. lives gets better n better (15:24)
5. learn from a warning (17:9)
6. are patience, ignore insults (19:11)
7. see danger ahead and avoid it (22:3)

Fool
1. ...hate wisdom n self control (1:7)
2. ...make fun of wisdom n hate knowledge (1:22)
3. ...refused to listen when corrected (1:32),(15:5)
4. ...don't care (1:32)
5. pour out foolishness when speak (15:2)
6. don't want to understand anything, they only want to tell others what they think (18:2)
7. their words start quarrels, make people want to beat them (18:6)
8. ...always fighting (20:3)
9. ...get into troubles (22:3)

Busy like a bee... :-D

it's been a busy month for me. so tired that i don't have time to breathe, so stress that i don't have time to laugh. but yet, it's been a great journey of life because part of this life is coming to an end soon and i'll be moving on to the next stage of my life.

the 30's hehe... the career ... the mature life.

not really sure what is going to change when i enter next phase of life, but still i am glad + relief because Jesus is going to go through this with me.

recently.. the bible reading entered proverbs. can't help noticing the bible separate several type of people classification in this book.

1. wise + fool
2. rich + poor
3. evil + good

and it's kinda interesting to read... becos you will see the obvious differences between them... i'm gonna make a list about them within the next few post. hehe

have a good day today ya!

thank you Lord

thank you Lord for being there for us.
thank you Lord for giving us life.
thank you Lord for dying for us.
thank you Lord for showing how imperfect, how bad and horrible i can be.
thank you Lord for all the broken relationship, the tough financial situation, for the low self esteems, for the stormy life.

thank you Lord for not letting me have a smooth life, because if i did, i would be self content, have much pride. and would reject you.

thank you Lord because if all circumstances, i learn that i am nobody, i am ugly, i am useless. i needed to surrender and to hold on to you.

thank you Lord because of the pain, the life, i feel more for people. i am more compassion and not laugh or be sacrastic about person who is going through bad times in life.

i thank you Lord Jesus, because you changed by life, you teaches me about life, the real meaning of life.

thank you for creating me, and letting me live until now.

thank you Jesus.

Problems...

a very interesting and comforting fact i found out today..

Psalm 30:1-12

history teaches that every problem and every experience of suffering has a life span. No problem is permanent. are you suffering? do you have problems?

they will pass; they will not last. your problem will not live forever, but you will!

storms always give way to the sun. winter always thaws into springtime. your storm will pass. your winter will thaw. your crying will end. your problem will be resolved.


trust in the Lord with all your heart, because He loves us.

sometimes.. it's very easy for those who is in great life, achieving everything and have a perfect life tells us to trust in the Lord. but how about when we suffers? and having everything upside down and still say they trust the Lord?

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those who spirits have been crushed" Psalm 31:18

i'm comforted by those brothers and sisters. they are the glorified witness to Jesus. because they teaches me how to still trust in the Lord even then times of trouble, and problems. therefore, this verse. meant a lot to me.

你对撒但的了解有多少？

a very interesting topic i came across today... in Job 1:6-12

God is really great!

（1）它要向神交代。所有天使，不论良善的或邪恶的，都要在神面前交代（1:6）。
（2）神对撒但了如指掌（1:7），他知道撒但有意攻击约伯。
（3）撒但在同一时间只能在同一个地方出现（1:6-7），它虽然有邪灵的帮助，但作为被造者，它是有限的。（4）撒但不能看透我们的心或预言未来的事（1:9-11）。如果它能的话，便知道约伯不会在压力下屈服的。（5）撒但若没得到神的允许便甚么都不能做（1:7），所以属神的人能通过神的力量胜过它的攻击。
（6）神给撒但定下了可做之事的界限（1:12；参2:6）。撒但的回应（1:7）告诉我们，它在地上是真实和活跃的。这些关于撒但的情况有助于我们靠近强大过撒但的神。

What a day.. what a life...

think of the days when moses trying to convince the people to cross the red sea, saying God will lead them all the way...

well... nothing special came to my mind and i always read this story for the sake of it.. a true amazing story.. until recently.. when my life become... what it seems to be waiting patiently for God to make the move, instead of me.

then.. i suddenly realised, i am just like the Israelites, waiting to do impossible things, waiting and prepare to cross the red sea!

it is so unthinkable, but yet so true and real.


oh well.. few more chapters to go and i am moving on into the next stage of my life. can't wait.. hehehe...

The Greatest Encouragement!

this song reflects totally what i really felt inside. no more strength. no more confident to overcome what i faced right now..

cried uncontrollably when i heard this song.

thank you Jesus, because of your love. your strength. and your promise. because of you, i can face my trouble, I can walk the stormy sea and stand on the mountains... just like He promise in Isaiah 40:28-31

Song by Selah - You Raise Me Up.


When I am down, and oh my soul, so weary.
When troubles come, and my heart burdened be.
Then I am still and wait here in the silence.
Until You come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.

There is no life ?No life without its hunger.
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly.
But when you come and I am filled with wonder.
Sometimes I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up to more than I can be.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas.
I am strong when I am on your shoulders.
You raise me up ?No more than I can be.

A saddest Day...

30 April 2005.

my beloved uncle cheang passed away... age 46. leaving behind 4 young kids and wife.
very sudden.. i'm so sad.. cos i can't go back to attend his funeral..

A love letter to me...

i had a wonderful wonderful day today, because i had a love letter from a great God. accidentally heard this song. felt so speechless.. felt to encourage. because i have an assurance, no matter what happen, i am loved by God from above...

a song by Casting Crown "Who I am"

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt,
Who am I?
That the Bright and Morning Star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart,

Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are,

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am..
I am Yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin,
Would look on me with love,
and watch me rise again,
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me,

Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are,

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am...
I am Yours, I am Yours.

I am Yours,
Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours,
I am Yours.


** just wish i could find the link of music to this song...

Happy Valentine!!

Obedient

Read about 1st samuel 15 today...

talks about how Saul's partial obedient to God...

one thing that amazed me alot: all God's chosen - great people in the world are 100 obedient to God. They are great people, with charisma and strength. Yet they listen and works only when God tells them to.

God desires our obedient and partial obedient like what Saul did only bring destruction. (see 1st Samuel 15:22-23)

Happy Birthday to Me!!

hehe... was born into the world many years ago...

thank you God for loving me and accepting me the way i am. without you, i would have lost even if i own all the goodness in this world. Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for me and give me salvations..

thanks mum and dad for loving me, supporting me.. all the way through. Thank you for introducing me to world greatest treasure - Jesus Christ..

thank you pi, for loving me and carry me through all those difficult times... without, i can be where i am now. May God continue to bless you richly in everything you do.

Are you a giver or a taker?

when we think about it, it's really easy to be a taker than a giver...

a taker is someone who loves to be pampered, loves to be loved and showed affection. as a girl myself... :P i guess this might be our number 1. nature...

but a taker is evolved in a very selfish - self pity way. come to think of it, a taker will never learn to give, learn to share, but have a lots of expectations on others.. we always hear a taker say, gimme this, how about me..? all focus is around a taker.


i watched a program today, who reminded me that a cheerful giver is actually a person who know how to love. i remember a song that says: "i will serve you, because i love you.." A giver is a person who actually focuses on others, looks at how they can give. A giver listens, pays attentions and always notices the needs, the worries and what their love ones need... Love is actually allowing the other person to be the main party, instead of us. 真正的爱是以对方为主位, 不但看到对方的需要,也尊重他的意愿.



so how can we be a giver?